Self-forgivness : Defining self according to mind created pictures,images,vibes,"scenes",dreams...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to define my self by
emotions,moments(memories) and personalitys.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to act depending on
the personality im giving to my self in the moment in question.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing  myself to hide behind these
personalitys and using them as a disguize,having no such thing as self
trust and self confidence.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to define self-trust
and self-confidence according to the image i may have.
I forgive my self that i have accepted and allowed my self to let myself
controlled by an emotion,a feeling,a vibe or any energetic flow.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to make a "movie" out
of my life,defining myself as the images,scenes,vibes i create out of ervy
day,hence remembering a certain day by a certain
picture,vibe,emotion,deception.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to make "scenese" and
pictures in my mind out of the experiences i go threw in life that are
"suppose to" mark my life and that can leave me "good memories of my young
ages".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be attracted and
obsessed by these created memories,images,"scenes" and for wanting
continiously to do something very similar again.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to be attracted and
obssessed by the images,vibes,ideals that the media and our current society
and system brainwash us with.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to conform to the
"norms" and try to "live crazy moments" (gangster
shit,sex,roadtrips,fights,robberies,etc.), to let these "moments" make an
image of me and define my self with this image,hence completly deceiving my
self,lying to my self,supressing my self and constantly hiding threw
exterior stuff as energy canalizers.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not enjoy certain
things because "i know" that the "image" i lived before,was much better or
just  knowing that there IS better.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my slef to lie to
myself,supress my self and not express my self as I am as life.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to abuse of
beings,nature or incourage abuse of any kind to canalize my energie,hide
and accomplish "what i always wanted to do".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not apreciate and
accept things as they are and to let my mind give these things a meaning
they're not,hence makin these things totally diffrent things in my mind,and
reflecting my actions depending on my mind in the physicall.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not apreciate
things for what they are and allways desiring more.

I forgive my self for accpeting and allowing my self to obsessivly desire
something when it makes me "feel good" or puts me in a vibe or allows me to
hide or brings me profit in any way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to be controlled by
desires and abusing to accomplish them.

I'm sick and tierd.

I'm sick and tierd of this way of life.Sick and tierd of polarity
emotions.Sick and tierd of procastinating and being lazy.Sick and tierd of
being afraid to face evry day.Sick and tierd of JUST BEING AFRAID.Sick and
tierd of complaining.Sick and tierd of not doing anything about it or doing
it half way and just NOT succeeding.Sick and tierd of being addicted.Sick
and tierd of always wanting sex.Sick and tierd of desiring to smoke and
drink.Sick and tierd of being afraid to show my TRUE self to the poeple
surrounding me or even the poeple i DONT know.Sick and tierd of having to
deal with my screwed up family construct.Sick and tierd to HAVE TO PRETEND
being religious and following the religion in question.Sick and tierd of
hiding my self from my freinds.Sick and tierd of being judged.Sick and
tierd of hiding.Sick and tierd of judging poeple,positivly AND
negativly.Sick and tierd of judgment.Sick and tierd of feeling guilty for
my desires.Sick and tierd of finding wemen attractive.Sick and tierd of
finding men more attractive then me.Sick and tierd of feeling inferior AND
superior.Sick and tierd of polaritys.Sick and tierd of dealing with shit I
dont like.Sick and tierd of BEING OBLIGATED to go to school or/and to
work.Sick and tierd of HAVING TO be a slave,no matter the level,in the
system in order to survive.I'M SICK AND TIERD OF BEING SICK AND TIERD.Sick
and tierd of being afraid to express my self with my partner threw fear of
being wrong and being judged and feeling inferior "once more".Sick and
tierd of being afraid to express my self with my freinds threw fear of
judgment and being ridiculized.Sick and tierd of having images and pictures
and desires and looking for my pleasure while having sex with my
partner.Sick and tierd of thinking that i have succeeded to not have
images,pictures,desires and look for my pleasure while having sex with my
partner when really i am doing all of that,just at a lower stage,but still
am.Sick and tierd of fearing to have sex with my girlfreind because i know
that it will not be a fully true expression of both of us that is best for
both in respect,honesty and dignity.Sick and tierd of feeling abused or
feeling that i have abused.Sick and tierd of wanting to fight.Sick and
tierd of wanting my life to be a movie.Sick and tierd of wanting to
remember my life as "hard" in order to convince my self that im cool,when i
can't even handle the difficulties i'm allready facing.Sick and tierd of
wanting to be cool.Sick and tierd of wanting to "proove my self".Sick and
tierd of regretting my past,specially my really young ages,because i dont
remember my self being a cool kid,but a coward.Sick and tierd of seing my
self as a coward and somone that never accomplishes anything and that is
not independent.Sick and tierd of feeling week.Sick and tierd of feeling
strong next to the "week".Sick and tierd of seing my partner abused by her
mother.Sick and tierd of seing my partner having to take responsabilty for
shit she didnt do or cause,but thats is imminent in her life.Sick and tierd
of not even being able to take my own responsablities and feeling obligated
to help her out.Sick and tierd of hidin threw her.Sick and tierd of finding
helping her easier then facing my own shit.Sick and tierd not being able to
always speak the truth with her,my freinds and specially my parents.Sick
and tierd of keeping a baby that has many polarities,and that im too fuckin
greedy,self centerd and full of polarities my self to be able to deal with
him responsibly,honestly and do whats best for him.Sick and tierd of
keeping a grudge towards my brother and hating him for what he done and
what he may have done and what he may do or cause in the future.Sick and
tierd of being worryd about the present and specially the futur of his
babygirl.Sick and tierd of being angry at my dad for not being a "good
father".Sick and tierd of not being a "good son".Sick and tierd of not
helping my mom out.Sick and tierd of hearing my parents critsize me all the
time and critisize my partner,my brother and his partner,my other brother
and our freinds.Sick and tierd of my parents thinking that what they want
for us is whats best and what we do,even tho we really HAVE fucked up,is
shit.Sick and tierd of depending on my parents.Sick and tierd of having to
deal with what ever shit they would inflict to me,specially my father.Sick
and tierd of feeling  OBLIGATED to hang out with my brother and feeling bad
if i dont even if he's a fuck up,and because of that dosnt realy have any
freinds.Sick and tierd of hearing him chill and loan money from poeple in
my surrondings.Sick and tierd of being stressed when he hangs out with my
freinds.Sick and tierd of seing my freinds change and hang out with poeple
that bring them no good.Sick and tierd of fearing that both my brothers get
arrested and fuck up their lives and the lives of the poeple around
them.Sick and tierd of my brothers robbing poeple.Sick and tierd of being
the middle brother and not being able to have any influence on their
irresponsable actions.Sick and tierd of being anxious about the futur with
my parter threw fear that we'd have to brake up someday.Sick and tierd of
not fearing being alone.Sick and tierd of poeple being hypocrites.Sick and
tierd of being anxious about my image.Sick and tierd of poeple using me for
their image and liking me or disliking me for my image.Sick and tierd about
poeple talking about nothing and having empty conversations with me.Sick
and tierd of poeple pushing me backwards instead of incouraging me to
change and do whats best for all and being a honest and responsable
person.Sick and tierd of fearing rejection and feeling bad when it
happens.Sick and tierd of being afraid of facing my boss and my previous
bosses as well as my previous school directors.Sick and tierd of not being
able to trully forgive my self because i dont stand my words.Sick and tierd
of falsly forgiving my self.Sick and tierd of not being able or to lazy and
to afraid to stand my words.Sick and tierd of being afraid and feeling bad
for it.Sick and tierd of JUST FEELING BAD.Sick and tierd of not being able
to directlly act on all the abuse going on in the world
(rape,poverty,murder,enslavment,famine,child beating,women beating,religion
abuse,man beating,nature killing,animal kingdom rape and destruction,etc.)
Sick and tierd of entertaing my self to forget my reality and the reality
of this crapy world we have accpeted and allowed and created.Sick and tierd
of poepel doing nothing about it and waiting for others to change and act
before them saying:why should I if he wont and if i wont change a
thing?;instead of taking responsability and at least trying to do
somthing.Sick and tierd of talking but not acting and not living my
words.Sick and tierd of not being able to do more.Sick and tierd of feeling
sick and tierd.In conclusion this life sucks.I need change and evryone
does.Most poeple are sick and tierd.I would say its time to change,but it
always have.I just havent yet,but im trying,i gotta try MUCH MUCH harder.