An other point of my fear of being alone and my relationship

An other point of my fear of being alone and my relationship:

I realize that my mind constructs are attached to my partner's mind constructs to such extent that we depend on eachother and expect from eachother alot.I could now see this way clearer then before.I exepect so much out of Bitia it's crazy.In her I seek confort,shelter,a hiding place,image/personnality satisfaction,accomplishing sexual desires/fantasies,"love",that she does things for me,that she supports my emotions and polarities,confirmation of my ideas and for her to accept,support and complete my ego personnality.The hole relationship is based on self-interest coverd by "love" and "sweetness".And when I don't get what I from her it then turns to the opposit polarityi get mad,irrated,I dislike her,wish to hurt her,etc.So seing this makes it now actually easier for me to stop these demonic reactions evry time they occur sens I know that if I'm like this right now,then im not being self-honest and I now know where it comes from,I was expecting something and i didn't get it.I normally experience in these moments lonliness,shame,worthlessness,anger, sadness,etc.All those are victimizations to not take responsibility for my fear of walking alone and for my fear of changing that I inflict the consequences to another.


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my experiences.
-I forgive my self for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to give me satisfaction and security.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I'm not able to accomplish something by my own and that I'm not able to change on my own.I now see that this is not true and that I'm able to fully direct my self in evry breath.
-I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self not to fix myself and then abuse of others to feel better.I now see the problem is always within me and it is for me to fix it,there should be no compulsive reactions at all.
-I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my self to give myself a chance ov self-devloppment and growth in this relationship.All I've been doing in this relationship is hiding and abusing.I now am willing to implicate and expose myself to come to a change for my self,for my partner:Bitia and for all.

Little point of my fear of being alone

I realized while have to face myself that I am afraid to be alone.

.I have seen that in the reactions i have when my partner is not being
"honest".When that occurs I usually get irritated towards her and become
impatient and inconfortable within myself knowing that I'm not "safe"
anymore.I expect things from her so that I could ensure she will "stay with
me" and I use that "safety" as a "motivation" in my process.I fool myself
into depending on some one else and then blame them when I don't get what I
want from them.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create lack of trust
and lack of independency within myself.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to be
the directive of my life and to make evrything just perfect for me.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to direct myself in
evry breath and to give directive of myself to someone or something
exterior to me.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myslef to inflict
dislike,disrespect,impatience,irritation,abusif thoughts,judgment and blame
onto someone when they don't give me what pleases me.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and abuse
somone for profit of any kind.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as a
person that abuses of life.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "need" excuses and
motivations to become whats best for all or anything else actually.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself allowing myself to be addicted,manipulated and led by energie and mind created impressions\scenarios.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that my process of re-birth is not within me but external and that I could do it with someone rather then alone and sharing support with someone, wich is me completely deceiving me sens I'm lying to my self.
I forgive  my self for accepting and allowing myself not to have taken a firm stand for me and as what is best for all.